Spring Renewal

     Spring is supposed to symbolize a time of change, renewal, and to make life better. This Spring, I find myself holding my breath with the anticipation of this change that will surely solve all my problems. But that's only in fairy tales.

     Thoughts begin to dance wildly in my mind when I should be working at my desk. I look around and smile at my friends/co-workers and can not imagine my life without them.

     They took me in with open arms and embraced me. These people lifted my spirits at a time when there was no road, path, nor compass that could help me find my way. Feeling lost and overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of change, I could hardly breathe. This makes it easier to see their struggles as well.

     Spring is simply one part of the cycle of life. I sit here thinking about the best way to describe what I want to portray but the words continue to elude me. What does come are images of shared moments. These are not all happy moments (no fuzzy bunnies, little yellow chicks and all manner of cute).

     This spring is represented by the sharing of pain, thus the burden being lessened when shared. With tears often streaming and voices cracking, I can recall many special moments when someone cared enough to listen:

  • “Why does he not love me? I know what I have to do. I will not let him have a piece of my heart anymore! I want all of him or none of him.”

  • “He would let me just walk out of the relationship before he would compromise...that is how little I mean to him.”

  • “I know in my heart how I feel, the hard part is saying it out loud.”

  • “She is pure, honest, kind, generous – something special. That is a very rare find!”

  • “I'm afraid of getting hurt again, it didn't go so well last time”.

  • “So how are you? I'm Good. Are you really good or are you in your own personal hell? I'm in my own personal hell. Well, don't stop walking!”

     Personally, I miss my father so much! He was my sounding board. His voice forever in my mind guiding me. I would give anything to hug and kiss him once more. March 20th – the first day of spring is the saddest day of the year. The day I am reminded that our conversations are now heavily one sided.

     Change is difficult, growth can be painful, and the sun can burn us badly. It dawns on me with a blinding light. Deep and profound change is not induced by seasons – it comes from within. Perhaps Mick Jagger said it best, “You cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.”

This article was originally published in ACNM's Spring Newsletter 2016.

Meena Dice is medical assistant and licensed massage therapist at the Alaska Center for Natural Medicine. If you would like to schedule an appointment with Meena, call the front desk at 907.452.3600!